I pride myself in being super involved in the kids lives. I’m not super crafty and I definitely forget a bunch of stuff. But for the most part, I show up for them.
I’ll volunteer at school, plan movie nights with their friends, make their costumes by hand, help with school projects, watch them practice their talent show dance 100 times in a row. I study with them. Listen to their problems. Plan special outfits for first day of school. Buy elaborate gifts. Plan surprise trips to Disney. Like, I’m all in. And I freaking love it. It’s hands down my favorite job.
But ever since I had the baby, all of my attention goes to her. I feel like I’m neglecting all my boys. My two stepsons, my husband and my pup. They’re all used to me being super available and doing everything for them. We spoke about it while I was pregnant and everyone was prepared for the shift, but I still feel the pang of guilt.
I want to do it all. I want to be everything for everyone. And before baby, I came pretty close. But right now, all I can be is everything for her. She needs me the most, right now. I emphasize right now because I know it won’t stay like this. Things will balance out soon enough and I’ll go right back to being the type of mom and wife and woman I’m used to being. Firing on all cylinders. Manning the ship. Ms. Reliable.
But for now, for right now, I have to be okay with my foggy mommy brain running on no sleep caring for this little person who needs me for every possible thing.