I haven’t been writing. Or reading. Or meditating. Or journaling. Or moving. Or cooking. I’ve just been…existing. Like, I’ll read a click bait news article or throw together some dinner. But I haven’t been doing anything to mindfully nourish my mind and body. And it shows. I can feel it. It snuck up on me just now, as I’m sitting outside, drinking my afternoon iced coffee, waiting for baby to wake up from her nap. I’m out here alone. Just sitting. And I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. And I nearly cried from how good it felt. Just taking a split second to consciously check in with myself. It felt like a good friend giving me a giant hug. And, fuck, I haven’t felt that in a while. I certainly haven’t let myself feel it. I always have my guard up. Tense. Anxiously awaiting the next bomb to detonate. Tip toeing around land mines that may or may not even be there. I’m tense and guarded and locked up.
And I need to pay attention to that. I need to MAKE THE TIME to sit and hug myself. Not literally, although that feels good sometimes, too. But hug myself by moving through a yoga flow or mindfully cooking a nourishing meal or sitting alone and taking a few deep breaths. I’m not going to stumble upon those moments often, like I just did. I need to make those moments. Prioritize them. I need to take better care of myself. We all do. That’s the only way we’ll be able to show up and take care of each other. We’re getting burnt out. And we can’t do anything if we’re burnt out. This marathon is not over. We have no idea how much more track is left ahead of us. We have got to do our part to keep our own shit together so that we can show up for each other. If you’re feeling like your mental health is taking a hit right now, I’d be happy to put together some resources for you to check out. Or to just be a sounding board for you. My DMs are always open. In the meantime, I’ll be spending the rest of today away from this devil device. I’ve scrolled myself into a stupor and my brain needs to recoup ✌🏼