How to be lonely in a house full of people.
I have been self-isolating with my husband and three kids for a month now. I spend the majority of my day alone with the kids while my husband works to keep his business, and the businesses of his clients, up and running. The kids spend the majority of their days asking me questions, complaining about what I’m telling them to do, making a mess and ignoring me. When I do get to Facetime my friends, either one or both of us are being interrupted by screaming kids every few words, or I’m using humor to gloss over how I’m really feeling because I don’t want to burden them or waste what little time we have to hang out venting about my “feelings”. I have a standing appointment with my therapist once a week, which is so incredibly helpful. But one hour a week talking to someone I’m paying to hear me talk doesn’t quite do the trick.
This is all to say, I’m lonely. I’m lonely because I crave connection. I crave intimate conversation. I crave sharing. I crave listening. I mean, it’s one of the main reasons I started the podcast, so I could literally schedule meaningful conversations into my calendar.
I spent most of my childhood and young adulthood surrounded by friends. Hanging out. Joking around. Being myself. I miss being myself. I miss who I am outside of being a mom and a wife. I miss being a person. I miss being Lauren. And now that I’ve admitted that, I can start doing something about it. Being stupid on tik tok is definitely helping.