I’m so tired. Like completely drained, bone dry, can’t move tired. My eyes hang with heavy lids and dark circles begging to just stay shut. My brain is grasping at straws just trying to form sentences. My body aches because it never stops moving. Never stops giving. I live moment by moment, running on fumes.
And still, I smile. Still, she finds a way to light me up. She just needs to look at me and I’m instantly recharged. It really does feel like magic ✨
But I know that’s not sustainable. I feel myself becoming dependent on her to feel good. I feel empty when I’m not with her. I feel a black hole in my chest. A void. And I retreat back to my depression. Because its familiar. I don’t know who I am without her. And I know it’s not healthy to expect her to be responsible for my happiness. That’s my job.
I need to set an example for her. I need to show her how to love herself by being a living example of self love. I need to take better care of myself. Because she needs a mommy who is strong on her own. Who can make herself smile when life gets hard.
And I admittedly have some work to do in that department. Some soul searching needs to be done to get me back to a place where I feel grounded. Where I know myself and what makes me happy. But I know I have time and I know I’ll get back there.
So for right now I am just grateful for this little girl and her bright smile that illuminates my entire world. Thank goodness for you, baby girl, and your infinite capacity for love. Thank you for my smile.
Are you a new mom? How do you take care of yourself? Let me know in the comments. And if you like the content on my side, you can help by sharing with other people you know who may like it, too!