What To Expect When You’re Expecting (The Worst)


So, I’ve just found out that not only will Mercury be going into retrograde a couple days before I begin my 26th spin around the sun…but FOUR other planets will be joining it! Subtle, universe. Real subtle.

When I hear about planets going into retrograde my first reaction is to pick up my stomach from where it just dropped to the floor. It feels like the universe is rushing me through an intense introspection boot camp, and I either sink or swim. Over time, I build up blocks or triggers and let them stack up in front of me because I’m too busy to deal with them. Then a retrograde comes barreling into my life and shakes everything up, forcing me to face each and every piece I’ve been ignoring as I find a proper place for it.

That can be seen as a negative thing, sure. Who has time to sort through all the baggage that accumulated? But, I like to show a bit of gratitude for my planet retrogrades. I have started to look at them as friendly reminders to clean up my mess. This five planet retrograde is going to be the ULTIMATE spring cleaning challenge.

Here are a few ways to treat each planet’s retrograde!

Jupiter: Personal Growth & Expansion

This is a time when you tend to lose a lot of your support systems and crutches. As Maddy Foley puts it in her article for Bustle, “This sucks and is the worst and makes it seem like you’re stalled out, but it also forces you to find your internal strength”. So during this time, challenge yourself to do something you’ve never felt strong enough to do. It can be training to run a 5k (I did this once using the Couch to 5k app and it was amazing), asking for that raise, submitting your book proposal. Whatever it is, do it ALONE. Don’t ask for help, don’t have someone do it for you. Go out there and prove your own strength to your own self. During this time, Jupiter is going to try and remind you that you’re strong enough to fight your own battles. Go into the retrograde a step ahead!

Mercury: Communication

WRITE! Write, write, write. Until your fingers cramp up. Until your pen runs out of ink. Just keep writing down everything inside your head until it is all out on the paper. This is the best practice for when you need to communicate your feelings to someone and you just can’t get the words out right. The miscommunication is a results of all your words being cramped up inside the mess that is your mind. By writing everything out, you’re able to analyze your thoughts from a different perspective and find a healthier, more concise way to communicate what you’ve been feeling.

Pluto: Love & Relationships

Plan a romantic date night! This can be with your partner, with your best friends or with yourself. ALL are significant and loving relationships that deserve nurturing. Make it something you don’t typically do. Go dancing, see a show, take a spontaneous trip. Be in the moment with the people you love and appreciate their presence. Pay attention to each other. Pluto will fanning the flames, either way. Use those flames to heat up the romance instead of spark a heated  argument.

Mars: Emotions

I’m in a glass case of emotion! Mars is the red planet for a reason. It’s hot, fiery and ready to stir some shit up. When Mars goes into retrograde, it usually brings with it a lot of anger and aggression. Knowing this, try to set yourself up to combat those emotions. Make an effort to surround yourself with people and things that keep you calm. Practice setting up boundaries between yourself and that which brings out the worst in you. Mars is going to do its best to bring those things right up in front of you so you can deal with them head on. But if you do the work beforehand to prepare, you’ll be ready for it.

Saturn: Karma

This is an easy one, right? When Saturn is in retrograde, be NICE to people. Go out and do good. Maybe you did some not so great things in the past few months and Saturn will bring it back around to you. But if you fill up your karma tank with good deeds, you’ll be so busy reaping the karmic rewards for those moments you won’t have time to even notice the flat tire you got for that time you weren’t so nice to your waitress 🙂

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